TheShad0wF0x
PikLeee
Perftacoss
EvilCartoon
spasticArtist
TheTwistedCartoonist
CruelJokes
X-Bby-Face-X
PikLeTheDrangonEgg
g0th-girl3245
Demiarus
PikLeTheWonderful
TheShad0wF0x
7gatos
PikLeee
bedfellows
EvilCartoon
TheTwistedCartoonist
zambicandy
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PikLeTheWonderful
Artist // Hobbyist // Other
- Oct 1
- United States
- Deviant for 11 years
- He / Him
Badges
Favourite Visual Artist
Wes Anderson
Favourite Movies
Fantastic Mr. Fox, KILL BILL, Ratatouille, Puss in Boots: The Last Wish
Favourite TV Shows
Adventure Time
Favourite Bands / Musical Artists
Bruno Mars, Silk Sonic, BROCK HAMPTON, Tyler the Creator, Frank Ocean, Samsa
Favourite Books
I need to read more.
Favourite Writers
I need to read other's writing more.
Favourite Games
Risk of Rain series
Favourite Gaming Platform
PC
Tools of the Trade
My busted hands.
Other Interests
Writing, Fighting Games, Roleplay, DnD
I also payed a lousy 3 bucks to change my name. If anyone is just DYING to know what that old username was.. ..it was "WolfehWesxD". Aged like a fine wine, it did. Sad to see it go. :)
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Something told me I needed to log into my old Deviant Art account to look at the time capsule that it is. I'm now a grown adult; a completely different person. Hahahah, this is wild looking at all this history. A lot of it seems pretty good, a lot of it is kinda bad, and nearly every single bit of it makes my skin crawl with waves of cringe.. but I love it. Wonder if there's anyone still here. That'd be quite the surprise. :invisible:
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Devious Journal Entry
0 min read
*Sees mass amount of deviantWATCH notifications, adding up to 1,425*
*finds out that is the exact equivalent to the amount of fucks i don't give*
:meow:
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Profile Comments 4.8K
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I CAN TALK ON THIS ACCOUNT SORRY CAPS OMG HAHAH
Gotchu! It's Shad0w! :3
hi there cx
Hiiiiii >u<
(Afraid you didn't get this, or wont read in notes. Last time I'll bug ya)
Hey, Wesley.
So, it's Salina.
Well, lets make this clear. I changed my mind. I don't want to be back together.
I'm loosing my individuality, as a person. I'm loosing my confidence, my happiness, EVERYTHING that I am. I'm LYING to myself.
I'm a great person, and I can't ever tell myself that. But I know I am. I know I am unique. If I have a love strong enough to stay with someone who has hurt me so much, no matter what, and love them more every day, this just tells me, I DO have a heart. I do have a very STRONG and HUGE heart. And I should be confident with that. I'm not scared anymore to be on my own. I want to be on my own. I want to find myself, I want to expand my goals, FOR ME. I have been living on a platform of building the future of this relationship, and earning nothing in return. And being left alone and resented, being called in the wrong because I'm upset how my boyfriend of almost three years is going around pretending to date someone else. It just shows me you don't know what you want. It shows me you are IMMATURE. It shows me you can not handle a young, but committed relationship. And if you do, I'm not something you do want.
I'm not mean. I'm not angry. I'm so CHILL, almost as CHILL as a drunk person in real life, I don't even NEED drugs (people sometimes mistake me for being drunk). But yet online when I express my feelings I'm an emotional mess and called the words I don't want to hear "YOU'RE DRAMATIC". When I know I'm not. I know who I am as a person, and I didn't let myself see that. It took me a minute to see "This isn't all just me, I don't EVER act this way to other people." It's both of us. It's US. Everything I used to live by was about us.
But now, I want to be on my own. I am an independent person, and I know this. I know I can get by on my own. I used to think I needed you.
When I don't.
You're a great person. Our relationship was fun. I may never find a love as deep, I may find loves that split like a chainsaw through a tree with one problem. And not one like air-soft guns shooting through a thousand layers of titanium.
Our love only comes once.
And I'm letting it go.
Sure, I may find someone who treats me like the world, and I may not feel the same back. You know, someone may be able to treat someone like the world, but they may not feel that way back. That may happen to me. I may treat you like the galaxy was just laid in my hands for me to protect it. And I mean, someone may treat me that way but I certainly just don't care about them.
Love is confusing, isn't it?
But I do know this, I loved you. I loved you to the furthest planet (witch is Neptune). And I don't regret it. I will learn from this. I will learn to not let someone take advantage of me, because if you let someone take advantage of you, they will.
I have told myself, I am wrong.
I wasn't. Wesley, when you hurt a girl so much, what do you expect? You're lucky I loved you so much. I would've left you like any other person on the second month of this relationship.
But, ours lasted almost three years.
And it may have been broken, and stupid to you.
It was always beautiful to me.
The day we first met I WILL NEVER REGRET because of this relationship I do not know where I would be now. You where everything to me. And I really, honestly, can't thank you enough for being apart of my life. It was beautiful to me. Maybe not to you, maybe we where never on the same team like we should have been. But I loved you. I loved us. I loved being with you. And the moments we had I will NEVER take back from my life. You where my first love, you may be my last because I don't see HOW I can love someone again like this. My life is shit, you know this, but I may have been the burden to you, you where the light for me.
You MAY have been a dick. We BOTH where dicks. We're both young. And, we may never speak again. And I just want to tell you, I fucking love you. I'd take you back, but I can't.
I want to be my own person.
I want to stop being needy. When I know that isn't who I am.
This may be a dramatic message, this relationship is WORTH being dramatic for. You where the biggest ray of sunshine in my life, even if you didn't feel the same.
I didn't mind. I always dealt with it, because nothing could change my happiness, no matter how many stabs of pain I could have ever received.
How I still love you now?
I don't know.
I don't know how I am able to forgive like this myself. I don't know how I can love people so much like this.
Wesley, I know you loved me. But the love, just, it wasn't enough. It wasn't right. You can't continue love when you continuously go against the person. Thats how you build resentment, although, I managed to never stop resenting you. It's like fighting for something you could never back down. I guess. I don't know.
And, I'm crying. But I'm crying tears of happiness because I'm finally able to let go, something I could never do. But I realized you don't have to stop loving someone in order to let them go. Because I do love you. I love you more than anything.
The fights we had, they worthwhile. Because I was willing to take this pain until death. You're not a bad person. You're not. You just, you're not ready. You may never be ready. You may never under stand that commitment needs to be cherished because there is a 0.1 percent chance of finding someone you could ever imagine dying with, in a world full of hook ups and one night stands. In a word full of divorces and hate. It's rare. And I may never find someone I could imagine just DYING with and going to my grave with again. But it's okay. Because I can make it through life alone. I know I can. It's a fact I can. I have a great sense of individuality but I just am afraid to show it. I'm afraid to be on my own. But I'm not now. I'm not afraid anymore. It just amazes me how we went through all of this, and still never met in person FACE TO FACE. And it just, makes me so happy I had a moment like this. Even if I don't again. But I assure you, we CAN'T date again. We can be friends, if you want. But I don't want a boyfriend. I don't want to rely on others for happiness. I need myself, I need my brain. I know I have one. I know I have a beautiful inside deep in my heart even though my brain may not let me think it. I know I can do anything. Even without the love of my life.
I love you, so much. I never will stop. But I have to listen to my heart. I need to leave. Because you don't feel the same. I never can make you feel the same. And I'm hoping for something that will never happen.
Thank you,
for everything.
I will look back in 80 years, and smile that I got a chance like this.
Because no one else in the world ever has had something like this. And never will. I will never regret anything. It was like a sense of magic to me. Honestly.
Thank you.
I love you.
Sincerely,
Salina
Hey, Wesley.
So, it's Salina.
Well, lets make this clear. I changed my mind. I don't want to be back together.
I'm loosing my individuality, as a person. I'm loosing my confidence, my happiness, EVERYTHING that I am. I'm LYING to myself.
I'm a great person, and I can't ever tell myself that. But I know I am. I know I am unique. If I have a love strong enough to stay with someone who has hurt me so much, no matter what, and love them more every day, this just tells me, I DO have a heart. I do have a very STRONG and HUGE heart. And I should be confident with that. I'm not scared anymore to be on my own. I want to be on my own. I want to find myself, I want to expand my goals, FOR ME. I have been living on a platform of building the future of this relationship, and earning nothing in return. And being left alone and resented, being called in the wrong because I'm upset how my boyfriend of almost three years is going around pretending to date someone else. It just shows me you don't know what you want. It shows me you are IMMATURE. It shows me you can not handle a young, but committed relationship. And if you do, I'm not something you do want.
I'm not mean. I'm not angry. I'm so CHILL, almost as CHILL as a drunk person in real life, I don't even NEED drugs (people sometimes mistake me for being drunk). But yet online when I express my feelings I'm an emotional mess and called the words I don't want to hear "YOU'RE DRAMATIC". When I know I'm not. I know who I am as a person, and I didn't let myself see that. It took me a minute to see "This isn't all just me, I don't EVER act this way to other people." It's both of us. It's US. Everything I used to live by was about us.
But now, I want to be on my own. I am an independent person, and I know this. I know I can get by on my own. I used to think I needed you.
When I don't.
You're a great person. Our relationship was fun. I may never find a love as deep, I may find loves that split like a chainsaw through a tree with one problem. And not one like air-soft guns shooting through a thousand layers of titanium.
Our love only comes once.
And I'm letting it go.
Sure, I may find someone who treats me like the world, and I may not feel the same back. You know, someone may be able to treat someone like the world, but they may not feel that way back. That may happen to me. I may treat you like the galaxy was just laid in my hands for me to protect it. And I mean, someone may treat me that way but I certainly just don't care about them.
Love is confusing, isn't it?
But I do know this, I loved you. I loved you to the furthest planet (witch is Neptune). And I don't regret it. I will learn from this. I will learn to not let someone take advantage of me, because if you let someone take advantage of you, they will.
I have told myself, I am wrong.
I wasn't. Wesley, when you hurt a girl so much, what do you expect? You're lucky I loved you so much. I would've left you like any other person on the second month of this relationship.
But, ours lasted almost three years.
And it may have been broken, and stupid to you.
It was always beautiful to me.
The day we first met I WILL NEVER REGRET because of this relationship I do not know where I would be now. You where everything to me. And I really, honestly, can't thank you enough for being apart of my life. It was beautiful to me. Maybe not to you, maybe we where never on the same team like we should have been. But I loved you. I loved us. I loved being with you. And the moments we had I will NEVER take back from my life. You where my first love, you may be my last because I don't see HOW I can love someone again like this. My life is shit, you know this, but I may have been the burden to you, you where the light for me.
You MAY have been a dick. We BOTH where dicks. We're both young. And, we may never speak again. And I just want to tell you, I fucking love you. I'd take you back, but I can't.
I want to be my own person.
I want to stop being needy. When I know that isn't who I am.
This may be a dramatic message, this relationship is WORTH being dramatic for. You where the biggest ray of sunshine in my life, even if you didn't feel the same.
I didn't mind. I always dealt with it, because nothing could change my happiness, no matter how many stabs of pain I could have ever received.
How I still love you now?
I don't know.
I don't know how I am able to forgive like this myself. I don't know how I can love people so much like this.
Wesley, I know you loved me. But the love, just, it wasn't enough. It wasn't right. You can't continue love when you continuously go against the person. Thats how you build resentment, although, I managed to never stop resenting you. It's like fighting for something you could never back down. I guess. I don't know.
And, I'm crying. But I'm crying tears of happiness because I'm finally able to let go, something I could never do. But I realized you don't have to stop loving someone in order to let them go. Because I do love you. I love you more than anything.
The fights we had, they worthwhile. Because I was willing to take this pain until death. You're not a bad person. You're not. You just, you're not ready. You may never be ready. You may never under stand that commitment needs to be cherished because there is a 0.1 percent chance of finding someone you could ever imagine dying with, in a world full of hook ups and one night stands. In a word full of divorces and hate. It's rare. And I may never find someone I could imagine just DYING with and going to my grave with again. But it's okay. Because I can make it through life alone. I know I can. It's a fact I can. I have a great sense of individuality but I just am afraid to show it. I'm afraid to be on my own. But I'm not now. I'm not afraid anymore. It just amazes me how we went through all of this, and still never met in person FACE TO FACE. And it just, makes me so happy I had a moment like this. Even if I don't again. But I assure you, we CAN'T date again. We can be friends, if you want. But I don't want a boyfriend. I don't want to rely on others for happiness. I need myself, I need my brain. I know I have one. I know I have a beautiful inside deep in my heart even though my brain may not let me think it. I know I can do anything. Even without the love of my life.
I love you, so much. I never will stop. But I have to listen to my heart. I need to leave. Because you don't feel the same. I never can make you feel the same. And I'm hoping for something that will never happen.
Thank you,
for everything.
I will look back in 80 years, and smile that I got a chance like this.
Because no one else in the world ever has had something like this. And never will. I will never regret anything. It was like a sense of magic to me. Honestly.
Thank you.
I love you.
Sincerely,
Salina
yOU'RE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH ME.
Bae